Yes, you read the cut right. The appointment went really well. :)

It lasted for three hours - the doctor went through my history and we talked about everything in-depth. It was intense and gruelling, and I was exhausted when we left, but it was a good exhausted - a hopeful, optimistic, relieved exhausted.

Basically, to cut a long story short, it really is all OCD. He said that there was nothing to suggest that there's anything apart from OCD going on in my head, that my sexual orientation is not in question, and that the fact that my obsession revolves around something sexual is just that - a fact, nothing significant. I also apparently have been suffering from depression, which makes the OCD worse. We're going to fiddle with my meds a bit to treat both the OCD and depression, and I'm most likely going to have some CBT too. He said he has no doubt that I'm going to get better and go on to have a happy life. :)

The doctor was very kind and had a great sense of humor - we had a few laughs during the appointment. He had an Australian accent, which was neat! :) Most of all, though, he was very understanding. He gave me and my parents a lot of hope and confidence that this will pass. It will just take time and patience.

I'm feeling a little more up-beat now, but I don't expect to all of a sudden feel right back to normal. Like I said, it's all about time and patience. I'm no doubt going to continue worrying until the meds kick in and the therapy works, but that's just how it is. What's important is that I have more hope than I did, and that feels good.

It probably won't sound right to most of you, maybe even unnecessary, but... my parents and I decided to cancel my enrollment for the fall semester, and re-enroll for the spring semester. I feel a little guilty about it - other people with worse problems keep going, so why am I so special? But the truth of the matter is that I'm not well. I just can't do my best in school at this point. I need some significant improvement before I go back.

I want to be able to do well in school, and my academic ability is stunted at this point. I can't concentrate or retain information. What's most problematic is that I have no motivation - I feel like, I've tried so hard to do well in school, and all that has happened in the last few years is that I fall (mentally) ill. I think, what's the use in working hard when I only ever feel awful? You know? This is something that I'm going to be working on changing - that attitude is NOT me and I need to get back to thinking more positively. But that's part of the depression that the doctor said I've been experiencing off and on these past few years, along with the OCD...

Sorry for sounding melodramatic - I worry that I'm not trying hard enough, and I don't want anyone to think I'm not trying my best to keep going, so I hope I explained well enough why going back to school right now is not the healthiest idea. I'm not going to just "slack off," though! ;) That's not the point of not going - the point is to get well, not to be lazy. :)