Doctor Who Friending Frenzy! A nifty thing where you can go and friend Who fans! :D Very spiffy.

My internet connection is being silly (again!), and so I'm back on dial-up for the time being, which makes me sad. (BTW, lottie_doyle, as soon as my connection works again, Paddy's Lament shall be yours!)

I posted a lot of icons at the ol' Iconpile a few days ago or so. :D Fun stuff!


I had a good cry last night about some stuff related to the OCD badness, namely, how it was handled by my therapist. Mainly how I was sort of made to feel like it was my fault that I wasn't getting better. I kind of kept that to myself the whole time, but talked with my mom about it last night, and tears flowed. I'm seeing my psych on Monday and will discuss the unresolved anger/sadness/grief of that whole experience. It's going to take awhile to get over it all, I think. It sometimes feels like it was all a bad dream. It's funny how I don't even worry at all about the H of the HOCD anymore - it's so freeing to not have this false, irrational, CRAZY "fear" of being gay. It's not even a fear, or a concern, or anything anymore. It was so totally created by the OCD.

I feel kind of ashamed of it, that I had that obsession. It sounds so silly to talk about, and I hate that when I talk about it I talk about the "fear" of being gay. It makes it seem like I think it's "wrong" or whatever. (I don't, duh. :) ) In OCD land, you see, gay meant change to me, it meant something bigger, something not even REAL that I feared. It meant not knowing myself, which is a really scary thought.

I don't know why I feel like I have to explain myself over and over again, I suppose it's something I have to make peace with myself about - that yes, some people might think it's a silly obsession and couldn't have been as bad as I say it was and that it wasn't worth suffering over because it's nothing to be scared of, but that doesn't mean that the pain I felt isn't real. Oh, I don't know. It really does feel like it was all a bad dream. I should shut up now before I sound anymore silly! I still go back to thinking that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, so... I must be pretty strong.


Cheery bye, Scarlett